Want and Need
by Durbe the Barian
Summary: Sometimes, even Ratatosk could not keep his tears at bay. They needed him, but they didn't want him. - Not a yaoi. Just an angsty moment for Ratatosk.


**Tales of Symphonia**

**Want and Need**

**Angst**

**Ratatosk/Emil**

**Sometimes, even Ratatosk could not keep his tears at bay. They needed him, but they didn't want him.**

**(Don't own ToS.)**

* * *

Want and Need

* * *

"Maybe I should just disappear," he said. "It's not like you guys want me here."

He allowed Emil to take control as the world went black. Then he walked into the deepest confines of his soul, his eyes closed, his heart shut. He refused to allow his negative emotions to control him.

He wouldn't. Not those emotions of all emotions.

When Ratatosk felt that he was deep enough inside his soul, he opened his eyes and looked above his head.

The light above him was shining, unmoving in the crystal blue sky.

"_Emil...you've been in Ratatosk Mode for a while._"

With a growl through his gritted teeth, Ratatosk clapped his hands over his ears, falling to his knees in frustration.

"Stop thinking about it!" he commanded himself. "Just stop thinking about it!"

The world around him began to twist and muddle, confusing the Summon Spirit to no end. Slowly, he pulled his hands away from his ears and touched his cheeks.

Then he pulled his fingers away.

His fingertips were wet.

They were tears.

He was crying.

"What...," he breathed. "What is this? Why am I...?"

He shook his head furiously. "No...," he growled. "I'm...I'm not crying. I'm not that weak dog!"

Instantly, the image of 'that dog' and Marta, both smiling at each other's presence flashed through his mind. He dug his fingernails into his blond scalp, a growl rising from his throat. Then he banged his head against the ground, his suppressed sobs escaping him as he tried to shut everything off.

* * *

(Flashback)

"Lord Ratatosk," Aster said, "we need your power to save this world."

_Need._

"If you wish to save Lady Marta," Tenebrae said, "then you must form a pact with Lord Ratatosk."

_Must._

"We need to revive Lord Ratatosk."

_Need_.

"Please, other me...help!"

Why...? Why did they only call him when his power was 'needed?' Why?!

"_Lord Ratatosk_," he could hear Lumen think. "_If we didn't need his power, we would be forced to do his bidding._"

"_Mind your tongue, Lumen. That is not the way to speak of Lord Ratatosk._"

Ratatosk could feel his fingers dig into his scalp, his entire body trembling.

They never...**wanted** him. They only...**needed** him.

* * *

Ratatosk woke up later that day, in the room of his inner soul. He was laying down on the ground, his entire body curled up like a child.

It was all...only a dream.

He clenched his fist in frustration and pounded the ground.

"Those stupid memories," he snarled. "They're just a nuisance."

After a brief pause, he lifted his trembling hand and looked at it.

His palm was calloused, his fingers bearing light scars.

Red eyes softened as realization dawned on him.

"_Why do you want that other me!? He's nothing more than a miserable dog who can't protect you!"_

He was only 'needed.' Never was he 'wanted.' Not like Emil was.

If there was a way for his power to survive without his body, those miserable humans certainly would have taken it. If it was not necessary to protect the world, the Centurions would not have agreed to work under him. He knew that they didn't like him. They didn't even tolerate him.

They only gave him the necessary 'respect' that he deserved. Nothing more.

He slowly tucked himself into a ball and closed his eyes.

They didn't want him.

And they never would.

* * *

(Later.)

"Hey? Other me?"

"Great. It's that wimp again."

Ratatosk opened his eyes and looked over towards Emil.

Towards that smiling face, no longer smiling. Towards those bright green eyes, no longer sparkling. Towards that overly apologetic boy, appearing to be on the verge of spitting out an "I'm sorry."

"What do you want?" Ratatosk asked, his voice a little more gruff than normal. (Or preferred.)

Those human tears must have attacked his throat when he was sleeping.

Emil slowly opened his mouth, as if to speak, then turned away awkwardly.

All Ratatosk could do afterwards was narrow his eyes. "You're starting to annoy me," he growled. "Now speak up. What do you want?"

"N-Nothing," Emil answered.

Nothing? He had the nerve to enter his – what humans would call 'private space' – and he didn't even have a reason to do it? What kind of human was he?

"If that's the case, then get out of here," Ratatosk said.

"Well," Emil said suddenly, "to be honest, I did have a reason to come here."

Ratatosk could feel his anger seeping out past his scarf. (Hot under the collar much?) "And what was that?" he asked.

Emil moved around in his boots uncomfortably. "I...just wanted to see how you were doing," he said.

"Of course," Ratatosk thought. "If I wasn't alright, your Ratatosk Mode would be gone."

"I couldn't help but notice you've been starting to feel a little more upset," Emil continued. "It worried me. I wanted to make sure you were doing alright."

"What?" Ratatosk thought, stunned by his choice of words.

"So...um...are you okay, Aibou?" Emile asked, that usual smile on his face.

There, Ratatosk totally froze over. "What did you just...call me?" he asked uneasily.

"Oh, you don't like it?" Emil asked. "I'm sorry."

Ratatosk simply looked away.

Aibou.

Partner.

Did someone really just call him that?

"Stop apologizing," Ratatosk said, his arms over his chest. "And go away. I'm just fine."

That's when Emil let out a rather relieved sigh. "That's good to hear," he said. "I was worried you were sick or something."

"You're a fool," Ratatosk responded. "Now, go away."

Emil beamed. "Alright," he said. "See you later, then, Aibou."

With that, he disappeared.

And Ratatosk was left alone to his thoughts again.

After a few seconds of silence, the Summon Spirit slid against a pillar, landing softly in a sitting position.

"What a fool," he muttered. "Can't that wimp do anything else but worry?"

"_I wanted to make sure you were alright._"

Want.

Not 'need.'

'Want.'

The thought brought a ghost of a grin to Ratatosk's face.

Emil was such a fool.

In fact, he was so much of a fool, he almost believed his words.

* * *

**D.T.B: Hi... [crickets] Um...anyway...so...this is my first official ToS fanfiction. Aaaaaand...I am a huge fan of Ratatosk, hence the whole thing here. Um...what else? Oh yeah. I have this crazy thing when it comes to Ratatosk. Hopefully, you guys got it. If you didn't, go ahead and PM me. I'll explain it if you want. **

**I'm done now. You can leave a review if you want. **


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